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September 15, 2004 - BREAKING
NEWS
My
CD is now finished and available for purchase! Just go to the homepage,
and click on the picture of my CD. It’s $12.50, that price
includes shipping, and you can buy it instantly with your credit
card. What a country!
Hello, everybody! Thanks for checking in, just wanted to add a little
to the blog before wedding preparation goes into overdrive. I will
say this: planning a wedding has been the happiest and most pleasant
experience of my life.*
 First
off, thank you to our "former" wedding organ player (pictured
here). Let’s just call her by her stage name, the Bride of
Frankenstein. This bitch was annoying from the get-go and although
we had MAJOR reservations about having her play the organ at our
wedding, she seemed to be the only choice at our church…..
or so the Germans would have you believe! We were told she was the
only one who could play the organ at our church. After initially
saying she would play at our wedding, weeks passed before she would
return any of our phone calls or emails. It’s now a little
more than a month to the wedding, so Kimmy decided to call her to
confirm and this miserable bitch claims that she sent an email saying
she wasn’t going to play at our wedding. I’m sure she
was telling the truth, because we all know how unreliable email
is. We all know how often emails get lost or don’t make it
to their destination.*
We were worried for a short amount of time, because she told us
she was the ONLY organ player at the church. We called the nice
people at the church, and it turns out there’s a bunch of
nice, pleasant people with normal socials skills that would love
to play the organ at our wedding. So to the Bride of Frankenstein,
relax, you are off the hook. Don’t worry about not being able
to play the organ at our wedding. Go take a walk in the park and
scare small children or whatever it is you do for fun. I’m
sure you are due back at the lab to get your bolts tightened any
day now. Thanks for nothing, you miserable skank!
 On
a lighter note, the funniest thing happened…I went to Bakersfield
a couple of weeks ago for a gig, and had a great time! For those
outside of California, Bakersfield is known to be…well…
a dump. There was this great gig at a really nice hotel and I worked
with one of my buddies, Steve Mazan. We had a great time! It was
a really nice showroom, we actually had a really talented guy playing
Stevie Wonder tunes on the piano to warm up the crowd, and then
he played me on and off stage….the second time to the tune
"La Bamba" which I use in one of my jokes. It was like
hosting a talk show, it was great. Here’s a picture of me
showing my lack of musical talent.
 In
other happier news, I worked in Sacramento last week and it was
a blast! First off, it was a homecoming of sorts because it was
at this club that my comedy career began. The very first time I
went on stage was in this building. The club is in old Sacramento,
a touristy neighborhood off the Sacramento River. Lucky for us,
the Gold Rush Days were happening this week. They dump a bunch of
dirt on the cobblestone streets, everyone dresses up like cowboys,
ride horses and get in fake gun fights. Shit speckled the streets
and smoke from the gunfights swirled the air as we rolled by in
our horse drawn carriage.
 It
was a very relaxing ride, and at the same time very strange to be
pulled along by a horse only a few feet from I-5, one of the busiest
highways in the country. I started to wonder what it would be like
to live in "olden times" without cars, computers, pasteurized
milk or conventional medicine. I guess it would just take a lot
longer to get places and we’d all die from disease.
On
an unrelated note, I watched the documentary,"Thin Blue Line,"
on the Independent Film Channel last week. It might have been the
greatest movie experience in my life. I don’t know how I missed
this movie. I’m not sure what I was doing in 1989 when it
won all of these awards but I’m glad I finally saw this movie.
If you have never seen it, stop everything you are doing and watch
it…… except if you are feeding a baby. In that case,
don’t drop the baby, you moron, just place the baby in a chair
then go to the TV. On second thought, if you are too dumb to know
that, you shouldn’t be having kids anyway.
I took the weekend off and headed up to San Jose with Kimmy. We
both have wanted to go to the Winchester Mystery House ever since
I saw a TV show about it a few years ago. Two years ago, I taught
a unit on the house to my 12th grade Humanities class when I was
teaching at a high school on 14th Street in Manhattan. It seems
like years ago now.
There’s a cool story behind the House, so go to www.winchestermysteryhouse.com
and do a little reading.
 Here’s
a few pictures from the trip. I’m not sure why I’m pointing
at the House in this picture. Was there any way someone was going
to wonder what to look at in the picture? Is there any way someone
could look at this picture and say,"I know the house is there
somewhere but I can’t seem to find it. Oh, good thing Paul
is pointing to it, there it is!"
There’s all types of weird things about the house, and several
dangerous things including stairs that go into the ceiling and a
door that opens outside to nowhere. You will notice in the picture
that they have aptly named this door, the "Door to Nowhere."
Clever bird, that Mrs. Winchester.
Sorry the schedule is little blank, but I’m taking most of
October off for the wedding, honeymoon and whatnot. I’ll be
back in full swing come November and will add more dates soon. I’ll
try to check in once more before the wedding.
Thanks For Reading,
Paul C. Morrissey
* this sentence is drenched in sarcasm
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