FAQ

Frequently Asked Questions: Comedian Paul C. Morrissey has taken the time to answer the important questions that "you" the fans and readers of this website wanted answers to:

Question: Paul Morrissey, you’re like a comedian or something right?
Answer: Yes, that’s right or something.

Question: Did you know that some other guy more famous than you is named Paul Morrissey?
Answer: Yes, I do. The only reason you know that is because you went to film school. Everyone else on the planet still thinks that I’m the one and only Paul Morrissey.

Question: What’s the deal with that?
Answer: Who are you, Jerry Seinfeld?

Question: If I live in Los Angeles and I talk on the phone while I drive, should I get one of those hands-free devices so I can pay attention to the road and not cause an accident while I’m on the phone?
Answer: I think that would be a fantastic idea!

Question: If Larry Bird and Ed Norton had sex, you would be the result.
Answer: That’s not a question. Hey, that was an insult wasn’t it?

Question: Has anyone every told you that you look like the elf in one of those old Christmas specials. You know the one that didn’t want to be an elf, he wanted to be a dentist?
Answer: Yes, they have. Thanks for pointing that out again. Did you go to middle school with me?

Question: Has anyone told you that you look like a better looking Brad Pitt?
Answer: Finally, a valid question. Yes, I’ve been told that.

Question: Do bears really sh*t in the woods?
Answer: I’m not sure. I hope they do. Where else would they go? I have some advice. If a bear does come to your door and asks to drop a deuce in your toilet, let him.

Question: If I were a cannibal, my favorite meal would be a mustard, mayonnaise and midget sandwich.
Answer: That’s enough questions for today.